Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
