Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
