Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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