I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
