Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
40s are totally the cure
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize