You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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