Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
