I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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