But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
