It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
