Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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