we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
