I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We smell like vodka and hangover
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