I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
