i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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