thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
