Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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