i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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