Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize