On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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