4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
