when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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