I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
