Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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