You smell like a Billy Joel song
Quick, to the slutcave!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
