Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
