My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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