just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
