Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
