I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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