at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
