so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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