I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
it was like having sex with a tree stump
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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