I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
