Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize