Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
