ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
