I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
