Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
