So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
