i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
