i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
