3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
