I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
