i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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