shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
