I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
