He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
