If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
