My room smells like vodka and shame
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
