So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
