dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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