I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
