DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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