i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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