You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
