Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
