I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
