you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
