i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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