My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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