The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
