I look better un-naked...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
