Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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