Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
