if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i came on her dog
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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