Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize