omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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