Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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