I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
