u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
