Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize