I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
