nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
