I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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