I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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