There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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