I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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