I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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