as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
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