When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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