i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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