Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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