he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
