Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
