I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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