Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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