TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
