Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
