I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
