he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think your dad took our porno
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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