I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
