My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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