She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
cat food counts as protein by the way
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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