6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
