enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
