My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
