so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
