please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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