The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
