Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
