the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
