It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
