forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
