you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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