Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
