how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
