i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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