Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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