margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Randomize
