I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
