Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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