I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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