She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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