Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
