Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
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